Tagged: gray zone

I want to kiss you, but maybe I don’t

I think about kissing you sometimes.

It’s not, realistically, going to happen.

But, I still think about it.

You have nice eyes.

And I feel comfortable around you.

And getting a snap from you is always a little bit exciting.

And I can’t help but wonder if it would be a good idea.

You see, my feelings at the moment are a bit confused.

Maybe I do actually like you.

Maybe this is the next logical step in our relationship.

My friends certainly think so.

Apparently we already look like a couple.

When I went to that party with you, people kept calling me “your girl”.

Was I?

Was that supposed to be some sort of date?

I can be pretty oblivious at times.

Or did they only say that because guys and girls aren’t usually just friends?

But we are.  At least, I think we are.

At the same time, though, my friends are betting on the odds.

They keep asking me what exactly is going on between us.  I don’t exactly know how to answer.

Your friend asked me the other day if you were still hitting on me.

Were you ever hitting on me?  And are you now?

Sometimes, I think so.  But then, you send me a text saying that you’re really glad we’re friends.

However, I ‘m sensing that maybe that’s not all you’re thinking.

And I tend to be pretty perceptive.

I’m pretty sure that you have some sort of feelings for me.

But where does that leave me?

I’m really not sure.

I could actually like you.

Or, I might just be curious.

And that’s what pulls me back every time.

Because I’m not sure what would happen next.

A kiss is not an isolated event.

Neither one of us could forget that it had happened.

It would be there, between us, from then on out.

And I don’t know what that would mean.

I know that the dynamic between us would change.

Things don’t stay the same once you’ve kissed someone.

Would this mean we would start dating?  Would we become a couple?

Because I don’t see that working out.

I’m too stressed.  You’re too volatile.  I don’t think we could find a balance.

But I’m curious.

And I want to kiss you.

Just once.

Maybe it’ll turn out well.

But somehow I can’t picture that.

All I see are endings.

I’ll be awkward about it.

And you’ll be hurt that I’m being awkward about it.

Or you’ll be pissed and I’ll look stupid.

Or maybe you’ll give me a triumphant “finally” look and I’ll panic because now you expect something from me.

And I don’t know what I’d do in any of these situations.

So instead, I’ll do nothing.

We’ll remain in murky, confusing limbo.

I might just be lonely.

I don’t want to lead you on.

But I want something, anything, to happen.